Okay, let us say that you know someone who continues to speak about their hurts of the past…let’s go through some different scenarios…

1. They could have unforgiveness in their hearts (unfortunately, this is what most modern-day Christians first assume of a person)
2. Their wounds run deep and need someone to listen and pray with them to help them process and heal.
3. They are healed and God is having them use their story to help others.
4. They could be in a new toxic relationship—which makes it easier to talk about past hurts rather than the current one their dealing with.

Now, would we approach each of these circumstances in the same way? No.

From my own experience and studying those around me, I have found that we are so quick to judge on what we think we perceive of a person instead of listening to God through the Holy Spirit. You see, God knows everyone’s backgrounds and hearts…and if we truly judged each other like #1 without listening to God, we may be discouraging someone in way that may make their burden tenfold.

For instance, if we condemn someone by saying that they have unforgiveness in their heart, when it is actually a #2 scenario—where their healing comes in layers and they just need a soft heart to listen and encourage and be there for them—it could really harm a victim in their process of healing.

If we condemn someone who is a #3, we could guilt them into not using their story to help others and be a stumbling block to those other poor souls’ healing. Also, I have found that hurt people heal when helping others overcome what they once went through.

If we condemn #4, they may end-up being like a clam, and close-up about their pain and never truly get help for their current situation that is a reflection of their past.

I cannot emphasize how important it is to speak to God about a person’s hurt, for we truly don’t know what they’re going through…but God does.