Tag: My Journey
The Toddler and His Father
A toddler walks barefoot with his father; holding onto his hands. The child sees a dark-new area ahead that catches his interest, so he asks his father to go explore it. The father replies with, “Dear one, if you want to go there, you must put your shoes on.” The toddler was stubborn and believed that he would not get hurt as long as his daddy was there, so he denied the shoes and continued to walk on still-tender feet. The father reluctantly consented after a few more tries of convincing his dear one, but knew his child would get hurt.
As the toddler walked upon the ruff terrain, he stepped on a thorn bush and began to bleed. He let go of his father and fell down to hold his wounded feet. Suddenly he realized that the darkness was around him like a thick blanket…”Daddy, where are you!?,” the child cried out…for he could not see his father because he let go of his steady hands in the darkness.
The Father was there; he was always there, and he had picked up the toddler and began kissing his tears away. The child finally reached up and embraced the One who was with him through it all. The father carried him for awhile (as he healed) and then told him to try walking again…but reminded him to put on his shoes, and he did so with his father’s help. The toddler grasped his father’s hands and together they continued their walk…
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What is the meaning behind this story? Well, there could be many interpretations of what is behind this short tale…but I will do my best at listening and typing to what God is saying to me. Haha Luckily, God is ever-patient with me. ;P If He can use the stuttering Moses to speak for Him, then I know He can make my clumsy fingers type something decent.
Anyways…here we go.
I saw the darkness ahead and thought I could handle it because I had my Father (God) with me. Little did I know that “I was looking at the storm while standing on the seashore.”
Sometimes, correction, MANY times I think I can handle what awaits for me ahead in life because I am holding onto my Father’s hands. Little-did-I-realize that God tells us what we need on our journeys (like applying the armor of God daily-Ephesians 6).
He is ready to give us the tools we need to walk among darkness and thorns, tools to climb the mountains ahead, and equipment to fight the battles that wait for us in the future…
Are you listening to His still but ever-present voice? I know I wasn’t. He was talking to a wall of stubbornness with me, and I got hurt by walking in the pride of my walk with God instead of humbly listening to His instruction before putting a step forward…I let go of His hands, felt alone, but he was there the whole time…wiping away my tears with loving kisses. I reached out for Him, He held me close.
My dad (earthly father) always reminds me to have a “walking and talking” relationship with God…not just walking or even talking but conversing (which involves listening).
What is God advising you to do this very moment as you continue to walk in your journey?
My Journey Part 2
I keep writing and re-writing this next part of my journey for it is quite difficult for me to even think about…
I hid a lot of things from friends and family because that was the kind of person I was. I would put on a mask to hide my blemishes, and I would do anything to escape a person’s pity…
If someone would ask me how I felt, I would answer with the word “fine” to avoid the “woe-is-me” story. You know those people who just drain the life out of you by unloading all their “baggage” upon your shoulders every single time you see them? Well, I was trying to avoid doing just that to my friends and family.
Okay, so I went to E.R…twice. The pain in my left side was so severe that I could barely move. If I even lifted my left arm an inch, I would have SERIOUS pain from the left side of my neck, into my chest, and down my left side of my spleen/stomach area. I was having symptoms of a stroke at this time and was super scared… The first time we went to E.R., my mother and I were alone because my dad and sis were in Utah visiting my great aunt (my mom and I were supposed to go on this trip too but I wasn’t up to it). Boy, I cannot even imagine how much stress this put on my mom. After waiting HOURS in the E.R. we finally got in and did some tests. I think there was some kind of cat scan involved on my spleen area (they thought it might be ruptured or something)…it was such a blur that I can barely remember. To my dismay, everything came out fine! Well, besides my blood pressure being extremely low (they hooked me up to an IV). The doctor told me that I might have pleurisy of the lung (which is swelling of the lining of the lung), but he didn’t seem too concerned.
Now the second E.R. visit was a waste of time.
I felt worse…I kept waking up at night gasping for air, and I felt like I was going unconscious in my sleep. We went to E.R. the second time; the new doc was of no help… I began to have little-to-no hope for feeling better.
I begged God just about every night for relief. I searched through the Bible fervently for any verse that had the word “healing” in it…
I still felt no relief. Here is the part I left out to many people including my family…I felt like death was around the corner for me. So I made a decision. A decision that I will enjoy life to its fullest no matter how much pain and weakness I was having. *sigh* I still feel uncomfortable sharing this but I know this is something I must do.
So I acted like nothing was wrong. Though I could not fool my mother at times (especially when she found me in my room crying).
I continued to hang out with friends and…went on the senior trip to Disneyland (luckily my parents were there). I don’t know what the heck I was doing or how I got through some of these nights or events…I just thanked God for every single day I was given.
Now here comes the real shocker…I was going to work at a Christian camp for the summer! SAY WHAT?!?!
I signed up to work for the camp, months ahead of time. I thought that I would be better by the time it drew near…
Well, I will speak more of my journey in the next post. *sigh* Thank you everyone for your prayers, I know that God is answering them as I type these words.
I am excited to get everyone up to date on my current path of healing. Stay tuned!
onthecliffoflife.com 