I keep writing and re-writing this next part of my journey for it is quite difficult for me to even think about…
I hid a lot of things from friends and family because that was the kind of person I was. I would put on a mask to hide my blemishes, and I would do anything to escape a person’s pity…
If someone would ask me how I felt, I would answer with the word “fine” to avoid the “woe-is-me” story. You know those people who just drain the life out of you by unloading all their “baggage” upon your shoulders every single time you see them? Well, I was trying to avoid doing just that to my friends and family.
Okay, so I went to E.R…twice. The pain in my left side was so severe that I could barely move. If I even lifted my left arm an inch, I would have SERIOUS pain from the left side of my neck, into my chest, and down my left side of my spleen/stomach area. I was having symptoms of a stroke at this time and was super scared… The first time we went to E.R., my mother and I were alone because my dad and sis were in Utah visiting my great aunt (my mom and I were supposed to go on this trip too but I wasn’t up to it). Boy, I cannot even imagine how much stress this put on my mom. After waiting HOURS in the E.R. we finally got in and did some tests. I think there was some kind of cat scan involved on my spleen area (they thought it might be ruptured or something)…it was such a blur that I can barely remember. To my dismay, everything came out fine! Well, besides my blood pressure being extremely low (they hooked me up to an IV). The doctor told me that I might have pleurisy of the lung (which is swelling of the lining of the lung), but he didn’t seem too concerned.
Now the second E.R. visit was a waste of time.
I felt worse…I kept waking up at night gasping for air, and I felt like I was going unconscious in my sleep. We went to E.R. the second time; the new doc was of no help… I began to have little-to-no hope for feeling better.
I begged God just about every night for relief. I searched through the Bible fervently for any verse that had the word “healing” in it…
I still felt no relief. Here is the part I left out to many people including my family…I felt like death was around the corner for me. So I made a decision. A decision that I will enjoy life to its fullest no matter how much pain and weakness I was having. *sigh* I still feel uncomfortable sharing this but I know this is something I must do.
So I acted like nothing was wrong. Though I could not fool my mother at times (especially when she found me in my room crying).
I continued to hang out with friends and…went on the senior trip to Disneyland (luckily my parents were there). I don’t know what the heck I was doing or how I got through some of these nights or events…I just thanked God for every single day I was given.
Now here comes the real shocker…I was going to work at a Christian camp for the summer! SAY WHAT?!?!
I signed up to work for the camp, months ahead of time. I thought that I would be better by the time it drew near…
Well, I will speak more of my journey in the next post. *sigh* Thank you everyone for your prayers, I know that God is answering them as I type these words.
I am excited to get everyone up to date on my current path of healing. Stay tuned!