Are you struggling under the circumstances in life? God has a purpose and plan where ever you’re at…our weaknesses are a perfect place for God’s strength to shine.
I keep writing and re-writing this next part of my journey for it is quite difficult for me to even think about…
I hid a lot of things from friends and family because that was the kind of person I was. I would put on a mask to hide my blemishes, and I would do anything to escape a person’s pity…
If someone would ask me how I felt, I would answer with the word “fine” to avoid the “woe-is-me” story. You know those people who just drain the life out of you by unloading all their “baggage” upon your shoulders every single time you see them? Well, I was trying to avoid doing just that to my friends and family.
Okay, so I went to E.R…twice. The pain in my left side was so severe that I could barely move. If I even lifted my left arm an inch, I would have SERIOUS pain from the left side of my neck, into my chest, and down my left side of my spleen/stomach area. I was having symptoms of a stroke at this time and was super scared… The first time we went to E.R., my mother and I were alone because my dad and sis were in Utah visiting my great aunt (my mom and I were supposed to go on this trip too but I wasn’t up to it). Boy, I cannot even imagine how much stress this put on my mom. After waiting HOURS in the E.R. we finally got in and did some tests. I think there was some kind of cat scan involved on my spleen area (they thought it might be ruptured or something)…it was such a blur that I can barely remember. To my dismay, everything came out fine! Well, besides my blood pressure being extremely low (they hooked me up to an IV). The doctor told me that I might have pleurisy of the lung (which is swelling of the lining of the lung), but he didn’t seem too concerned.
Now the second E.R. visit was a waste of time.
I felt worse…I kept waking up at night gasping for air, and I felt like I was going unconscious in my sleep. We went to E.R. the second time; the new doc was of no help… I began to have little-to-no hope for feeling better.
I begged God just about every night for relief. I searched through the Bible fervently for any verse that had the word “healing” in it…
I still felt no relief. Here is the part I left out to many people including my family…I felt like death was around the corner for me. So I made a decision. A decision that I will enjoy life to its fullest no matter how much pain and weakness I was having. *sigh* I still feel uncomfortable sharing this but I know this is something I must do.
So I acted like nothing was wrong. Though I could not fool my mother at times (especially when she found me in my room crying).
I continued to hang out with friends and…went on the senior trip to Disneyland (luckily my parents were there). I don’t know what the heck I was doing or how I got through some of these nights or events…I just thanked God for every single day I was given.
Now here comes the real shocker…I was going to work at a Christian camp for the summer! SAY WHAT?!?!
I signed up to work for the camp, months ahead of time. I thought that I would be better by the time it drew near…
Well, I will speak more of my journey in the next post. *sigh* Thank you everyone for your prayers, I know that God is answering them as I type these words.
I am excited to get everyone up to date on my current path of healing. Stay tuned!
Here is a little bit about the journey I’ve been on with my health…
In November of 2011, when I was just a few months shy of turning 18, I had all four of my wisdom teeth taken out.
I thought that I would get these suckers taken out and continue on with my life…after all this surgery is just a routine procedure, is it not? Most everyone gets these teeth removed, don’t they?
Little did I know the path I was setting myself on…
After the surgery I awoke to the doctor’s voice saying to his assistant that I looked pale and should be watched over a bit. Strange because I was completely aware of my surroundings and ready to get up and go…so the assistant helped me to my mom’s car. I went home, put ice on my jaws, changed the bloodied gauze in my mouth, and took the pain meds I was given.
A week or so after the procedure I was not improving and I had begun to have a pain in my lower left jaw and swelling that hadn’t gone down yet. My oral surgeon was out of town at a conference and his partner was busy so I had to go to a completely different person.
This new surgeon began pushing on my jaw and believed that it wasn’t a dry socket (which is a throbbing pain-my pain was deeper in the jaw), but she believed it maybe an infection in my jaw. So she gave me some oral antibiotics. I began taking these meds and got REALLY sick on them…so what do you think I did? I stopped them. Then I went to my oral surgeon’s partner (who was now available). She told me that I had dry socket and was going to treat it as so (which the other surgeon said would make the infection worse and could spread it throughout my body). We told the partner about what the other surgeon had said but she wouldn’t listen and pushed us to do the dry socket. Well, since doctors “know best” when it comes to our bodies (said in a sarcastic tone), I went ahead and got the dry socket treatment. *Cue dramatic music* Duh DUH DUHHHH….
I proceeded to get worse…the pain in my left jaw began to radiate down my neck, arm, and just about my whole left side! My spleen also grew three sizes too big (kinda like the Grinch’s heart…but not as pleasant). This is not all the “awesomeness” that happened to my body! I became EXTREMELY fatigued/weak, and had horrible brain fog.
At this point in my journey, I wanted to know what the heck was happening to me! I began going to the doctor on a regular basis and tried to find out what was going wrong in my body…
Test after test after test, doctor after doctor…I found out that I had MONONUCLEOSIS at the time of my wisdom teeth extractions! Who knew? I guess that having mono was pretty dangerous at the time of my surgery due to the fact that a person is supposed to be very healthy before having a procedure done. Also it was the mono that caused my spleen to swell (not cool).
So I tried resting my body as my GP recommended, but I was feeling worse as days turned in to weeks and the weeks into months. I kept going to him because I wasn’t getting any better, but he had no answers and rolled his eyes when he saw me walking in his office…I wanted to cry for I did not want to be a burden to anyone including my doctor.
He eventually told me that there was NOTHING that he could do for me. I was devastated. I stopped going to the doctor and tried to push on with my life…after-all I was a senior in high school and wanted to do all the activities my fellow graduates were participating in. Little did everyone know that I felt like I was going to collapse at any moment…
I will continue to tell more of my journey in my next post.
Some days are difficult especially when I look through the transparent film that separates me from the rest of the world, and see people who have already broken forth and are flying about.
I must remember when God sees that I am ready, I will break forth, spread my wings, and fly. He is just taking His time in the moulding and shaping of me in the cocoon.
“Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being, And in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom.” Psalm 51:6