“To the Weak I became Weak…”

“To the Weak I became Weak…”

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Are you struggling under the circumstances in life? God has a purpose and plan where ever you’re at…our weaknesses are a perfect place for God’s strength to shine.

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My Journey Part 2

My Journey Part 2

I keep writing and re-writing this next part of my journey for it is quite difficult for me to even think about…
I hid a lot of things from friends and family because that was the kind of person I was. I would put on a mask to hide my blemishes, and I would do anything to escape a person’s pity…
If someone would ask me how I felt, I would answer with the word “fine” to avoid the “woe-is-me” story. You know those people who just drain the life out of you by unloading all their “baggage” upon your shoulders every single time you see them? Well, I was trying to avoid doing just that to my friends and family.

Okay, so I went to E.R…twice. The pain in my left side was so severe that I could barely move. If I even lifted my left arm an inch, I would have SERIOUS pain from the left side of my neck, into my chest, and down my left side of my spleen/stomach area. I was having symptoms of a stroke at this time and was super scared… The first time we went to E.R., my mother and I were alone because my dad and sis were in Utah visiting my great aunt (my mom and I were supposed to go on this trip too but I wasn’t up to it). Boy, I cannot even imagine how much stress this put on my mom. After waiting HOURS in the E.R. we finally got in and did some tests. I think there was some kind of cat scan involved on my spleen area (they thought it might be ruptured or something)…it was such a blur that I can barely remember. To my dismay, everything came out fine! Well, besides my blood pressure being extremely low (they hooked me up to an IV). The doctor told me that I might have pleurisy of the lung (which is swelling of the lining of the lung), but he didn’t seem too concerned.

Now the second E.R. visit was a waste of time.

I felt worse…I kept waking up at night gasping for air, and I felt like I was going unconscious in my sleep. We went to E.R. the second time; the new doc was of no help… I began to have little-to-no hope for feeling better.
I begged God just about every night for relief. I searched through the Bible fervently for any verse that had the word “healing” in it…

I still felt no relief. Here is the part I left out to many people including my family…I felt like death was around the corner for me. So I made a decision. A decision that I will enjoy life to its fullest no matter how much pain and weakness I was having. *sigh* I still feel uncomfortable sharing this but I know this is something I must do.
So I acted like nothing was wrong. Though I could not fool my mother at times (especially when she found me in my room crying).
I continued to hang out with friends and…went on the senior trip to Disneyland (luckily my parents were there). I don’t know what the heck I was doing or how I got through some of these nights or events…I just thanked God for every single day I was given.
Now here comes the real shocker…I was going to work at a Christian camp for the summer! SAY WHAT?!?!
I signed up to work for the camp, months ahead of time. I thought that I would be better by the time it drew near…

Well, I will speak more of my journey in the next post. *sigh* Thank you everyone for your prayers, I know that God is answering them as I type these words.
I am excited to get everyone up to date on my current path of healing. Stay tuned!

My Journey Part 1

My Journey Part 1

Here is a little bit about the journey I’ve been on with my health…

In November of 2011, when I was just a few months shy of turning 18, I had all four of my wisdom teeth taken out.
I thought that I would get these suckers taken out and continue on with my life…after all this surgery is just a routine procedure, is it not? Most everyone gets these teeth removed, don’t they?
Little did I know the path I was setting myself on…

After the surgery I awoke to the doctor’s voice saying to his assistant that I looked pale and should be watched over a bit. Strange because I was completely aware of my surroundings and ready to get up and go…so the assistant helped me to my mom’s car. I went home, put ice on my jaws, changed the bloodied gauze in my mouth, and took the pain meds I was given.

A week or so after the procedure I was not improving and I had begun to have a pain in my lower left jaw and swelling that hadn’t gone down yet. My oral surgeon was out of town at a conference and his partner was busy so I had to go to a completely different person.
This new surgeon began pushing on my jaw and believed that it wasn’t a dry socket (which is a throbbing pain-my pain was deeper in the jaw), but she believed it maybe an infection in my jaw. So she gave me some oral antibiotics. I began taking these meds and got REALLY sick on them…so what do you think I did? I stopped them. Then I went to my oral surgeon’s partner (who was now available). She told me that I had dry socket and was going to treat it as so (which the other surgeon said would make the infection worse and could spread it throughout my body). We told the partner about what the other surgeon had said but she wouldn’t listen and pushed us to do the dry socket. Well, since doctors “know best” when it comes to our bodies (said in a sarcastic tone), I went ahead and got the dry socket treatment. *Cue dramatic music* Duh DUH DUHHHH….
I proceeded to get worse…the pain in my left jaw began to radiate down my neck, arm, and just about my whole left side! My spleen also grew three sizes too big (kinda like the Grinch’s heart…but not as pleasant). This is not all the “awesomeness” that happened to my body! I became EXTREMELY fatigued/weak, and had horrible brain fog.
At this point in my journey, I wanted to know what the heck was happening to me! I began going to the doctor on a regular basis and tried to find out what was going wrong in my body…
Test after test after test, doctor after doctor…I found out that I had MONONUCLEOSIS at the time of my wisdom teeth extractions! Who knew? I guess that having mono was pretty dangerous at the time of my surgery due to the fact that a person is supposed to be very healthy before having a procedure done. Also it was the mono that caused my spleen to swell (not cool).
So I tried resting my body as my GP recommended, but I was feeling worse as days turned in to weeks and the weeks into months. I kept going to him because I wasn’t getting any better, but he had no answers and rolled his eyes when he saw me walking in his office…I wanted to cry for I did not want to be a burden to anyone including my doctor.
He eventually told me that there was NOTHING that he could do for me. I was devastated. I stopped going to the doctor and tried to push on with my life…after-all I was a senior in high school and wanted to do all the activities my fellow graduates were participating in. Little did everyone know that I felt like I was going to collapse at any moment…

I will continue to tell more of my journey in my next post.

Smiling in the Stormy Pain/Rain

Smiling in the Stormy Pain/Rain

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Rain washes away the irritating dust of our lives, cleanses away impurities, and nourishes our grounds for new growth.
Though the rain maybe a time of sadness, the thunder fearsome, and the light from the cheerful sun replaced by the dangerous veins of lightening…remember that this is a time of trials and purification. “Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy,” Psalm 126:5
Also remember that it cannot rain forever! The sun will eventually come out! God may just throw a few rainbows in-between so we will not forget that He is with us during the storm. He will not over-flow our lives like the flood of Noah’s time, God will not push us past our limits (possibly to the edge of our existence but not exceeding how much we can handle). 😉
“I set My bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a sign of a covenant between Me and the earth.” Genesis 9:3
“No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it.” 1 Corinth. 10:13

Soil cannot bring forth the vegetation if it is hard and dry, it must be beaten down and made soft by the stormy rains. “But other fell into good ground, and brought forth fruit, some an hundredfold, some sixtyfold, some thirtyfold.” Matthew 13:8

May God make us soft like clay in His hands so that He may mould and sculpt us to be more in His Son’s likeness. “Yet you, LORD, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.” Isaiah 64:8

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Becomings of a Butterfly

Becomings of a Butterfly

Some days are difficult especially when I look through the transparent film that separates me from the rest of the world, and see people who have already broken forth and are flying about.
I must remember when God sees that I am ready, I will break forth, spread my wings, and fly. He is just taking His time in the moulding and shaping of me in the cocoon.

“Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being, And in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom.” Psalm 51:6

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Struggles in a Sick World

Struggles in a Sick World

Oh, how I have longed to be free
To go on the adventures in places of where I’ve wanted to be
But oh, how I am trapped in this body, this jail
Weakness has set in my bones making my strength to fail
Have I forgotten how to be content where ever I may be?
Speaking to God and asking Him to hear my ever-wanting pleas
I dream of a different life of where I am strong as a ram
But here I am, instead, being a weak, little lamb
Does not God make His power shine through the weak and not in the strong?
Taking down our barriers of pride, for only in this temple will He happily abide and truly belong
Oh, how You have stripped me clean of all the strength I contained
Truly relying on You through this hardship and this pain
I feel like an artichoke whose petals have been taken away
Revealing a vulnerable heart that no longer can keep an enemy at bay
Though, have I confused an enemy and a friend?
For one takes from you but the other willingly lends
Oh, Lord, how I have been blind
Through this process my thoughts have become confused and intertwined
Though a ram maybe strong and may know what to do
A lamb, contrary, depends completely on You
Has this been Your lesson all along?
Showing my weakness so that in me You are made strong?
Thank You, oh Lord, for the mysteries You reveal
In the quiet moments where only Your words I feel
Being Ill and Serving God

Being Ill and Serving God

One of lies that the enemy coaxes the mind to believe is that the works unto God must be done with great physical exertion. What anxiety this has caused me!
With losing good health and gaining many “invisible illnesses” I have not been able to serve God in the physical manner. Now, am I not pleasing to God for my lack of work? No!
God accepts even the smallest amounts of giving, even if it is spending time and talking with Him.

I am reminded of the verses in Luke when Jesus saw the rich putting their gifts into the treasury…then He saw a certain poor widow putting two small copper coins into the offering (which was surely all she had). Even though this widow who was poor in riches, put in all she had to live on! Can we who are poor in health give what little we can also? Of course! May we never believe the lie of the enemy to persuade our thoughts differently!

Those who are bedridden and lean on television as enjoyment, why not turn it off and give God your time instead with conversation and prayer? Why not read the Bible or an inspirational book that turns your mind to meditate on God? If you are not able to read, there are numerous audio books that the internet provides. Even so, why not have a friend read a book to you?

“And He looked up and saw the rich putting their gifts into the treasury. 2 And He saw a certain poor widow putting in two small copper coins. 3 And He said,’Truly I say to you, this poor widow put in more than all of them; 4 for they all out of their surplus put into the offering; but she put of her poverty put in all that she had to live on.'” Luke 21:1-4 NASB